| Day One | ||
| 21:00 | : | Flight lands; Holy balls, the flight was 40 minutes early – that neverrrr happens. |
| 21:30 | : | Sweet, don’t have to pay for tourist visa. Oh wait, you dum dum, that was for Sri Lanka. |
| 21:45 | : | Oh hello, pre-arranged airport transfer – please don’t murder me. |
| 22:00 | : | Driving through the main street in Kuta; need to gtfo of this festering hole of drunken teenagers asap…ooooh Ripcurl store, maybe I should buy another bikini top… |
| 22:30 | : | Stuffing my mouthhole with a steak pie that the hostel has kindly agreed to feed me due to my lack of preparedness and having zero IDRs to spend on the streets. |
| 22:45 | : | 3 guys starts playing pool all up in my space and 1 starts smoking; yes, please place the ashtray on the ONE table that someone else is sitting at. Would it be bitchy to ask him to smoke somewhere else? |
| 22:50 | : | Tells off the smoker because I’m a grouchy old hag. Friend of smoker starts to converse with me; can’t have been too big of a bitch then…. |
| 23:00 | : | Goes to room – thought I booked a dorm, but whatevs, 2 person room suits me just finnnnne; sweet, sweet AC – I love you. |
| 23:10 | : | Meets roommate – she mentions heading to Ubud tomorrow and someone telling her that she can order an Uber for half the price that she was quoted for a taxi; there’s Uber in Bali?? |
| 23:15 | : | Roommate leaves to negotiate a better price, check my Uber ride since we were talking about Uber; dafaq, my Uber from Bronte Beach to the Sydney airport was $60?? |
| 23:20 | : | Roommate returns with a hotel worker that has offered to bring her up there with his scooter for “free”. She has a suitcase. Don’t really think a scooter ride will work. |
| 23:21 | : | Offers to split fare with her up to Ubud as the hotel worker is insisting that the scooter will be “just fine”. |
| 23:30 | : | Hotel worker comes back with taxi driver, roommate is badass at negotiating and got a good price for the both of us (which, in hindsight, was not that great because of our future Uber experiences. But was great at the time with the limited information we had); all of an hour and a half to leave Kuta…nice… |
| 23:50 | : | Crashes due to late nights and days of excessive drinking in Oz. |
| Day Two | ||
| 10:00 | : | Rotis are good breakfast foods right? |
| 11:00 | : | Leaves hostel to walk to beach. |
| 11:01 | : | Sufficiently soaked in sweat. |
| 11:15 | : | Regrets my previous desire for warm water beaches, this shit ain’t cold enough to cool down in this heat. |
| 14:30 | : | Astonished at how shit my negotiation skills are; I’d much rather pay the extra $1 to not have to negotiate – but the principle! |
| 15:00 | : | Arrive back at hostel to wait for taxi to Ubud, sits by pool at a poor attempt to dry off. |
| 15:05 | : | Overhears the Aussie GM tell every single guy on his route that there’s “eye candy” in the back pool; sleazy much? |
| 15:06 | : | European guy at front pool pretends to not know what “eye candy” means, has it explained to him (in what was probably equally sleazeball terms). |
| 15:10 | : | Eurodude swims for a bit longer to, what I presume, not seem too eager for said eye candy, gets out 3 minutes later; lol. |
| 15:15 | : | Taxi! |
| 15:40 | : | Constantly checks Google Map to make sure we’re not being taken somewhere to be murdered. |
| 17:00 | : | Arrives in Ubud unmurdered. |
| 21:00 | : | Heads into town with newly met Danish girls and French dude; weeee, scooter ride! |
| 22:30 | : | Achievement unlocked! Taking pictures while eating ice cream on the back of a scooter. |
| 23:00 | : | 3rd bar in and numerous drinks later; why am I still out? So tired. |
| Day Three | ||
| 01:00 | : | Finally heads back to hostel after closing out the bar on a Monday night. |
| 01:30 | : | Holy balls, so many stars! |
| 02:00 | : | Hangs out in lounge for a bit because #FOMO plus the Danish girl bought so many snacks; mmm….ritz crackers… |
| 02:05 | : | Danish girl and French dude breaks into the kitchen to boil water for instant noodles and I’m just sitting here, looking at the stars and lightning storms. #oldballs |
| 02:30 | : | Water boiled, resists urge to eat instant noodles. |
| 02:33 | : | Caves, crushes a cup noodle in record time. Instant noodles are my kryptonite. |
| 03:00 | : | Bedtime! |
| 06:00 | : | FUCKING ROOSTERS STFU! |
| 10:00 | : | Wakes up in time for free brekkie! |
| 11:00 | : | Scooter rental: $5. Gasoline: $1.50. Temple chasing: priceless. |
| 12:00 | : | Gets pulled over by random scooter; please don’t murder us, please don’t murder us, please don’t murder us. [Refer to Creep or Peep II] |
| 14:00 | : | Achievement unlocked! Backseat scooter navigator; how did people travel before Google Maps? |
| 15:00 | : | Navigates roommate who is driving the scooter to a foot path in an attempt to get to the spa faster. We can’t take a scooter down stairs? #whatdoyoumean |
| 16:00 | : | Spaaaa time. Although I did not drive all day, I feel like I’ve earned it with my awesome decent mediocre navigation skills. |
| 16:05 | : | 2 hour treatment and use of hot and cold pools for only $40? Man, if I lived here I’d do this everyday. |
| 16:15 | : | Gets shown to a couple’s massage room; hmmm…probably shouldn’t have tried to save money by going with the 2 person rate…ah well, whatevs, too late now. |
| 17:00 | : | I wonder if whatsherface from Eat, Pray, Love mentions in her book that Balinese massages are so handsies #tooclosetoboobs |
| 18:00 | : | Nothing ramps up the friendship level like topless massages #fastfriends |
| 19:00 | : | Had the most delicious meal at Clear Café. Completely adore that fresh juices here are only like $4. |
| 22:00 | : | Dafaq, how is it so late already? Tomorrow’s 2am wake up call is going to be rooooughhhh. |
| Day Four | ||
| 01:50 | : | Alarm goes off, unconsciously dismisses it. |
| 01:55 | : | Second alarm goes off, dismissed again. No recollection of such actions. |
| 02:00 | : | Gets told that I’m late and the driver is waiting on me; urrrrgggggsoooosleepyyyyy.. |
| 02:30 | : | Learns about coffee that some cute mammal eats and poops out. Too tired to care. |
| 03:00 | : | Arrives at base of Mount Batur, begins trek up volcano in pitch blackness; I wish I brought my headlamp. |
| 03:45 | : | Whhhhhy did I wear so many layers? Should’ve never listened to the Australian when he said this was cold. #canadianseh |
| 06:00 | : | SUNRISE; omg the 2am wake up was sooo worth it. |
| 08:00 | : | Eats warm banana sandwich and steamed egg cooked by volcano steam. |
| 08:50 | : | Gets freaked out by aggressive monkey trying to steal stuff out of people’s backpack. |
| 09:00 | : | Walking downhill is the shitsss. |
| 10:00 | : | Leaves sweater in car. Much sad. |
| 11:00 | : | Books room for Seminyak. Debates nap. |
| 12:30 | : | Nap loses. Shower wins. |
| 12:45 | : | Weirdass argument breaks out between roomie and creepy old man at hostel [Refer to Creep or Peep II]. |
| 14:00 | : | Shuttles to city centre with said creepy old man. Hate eyes the whole way, I want to yell at him out of principle. |
| 14:30 | : | Successfully gets Uber to Seminyak for $14. 2 hour ride. $7 each. Yeaaaaaaaah. |
| 17:00 | : | Arrives at accoms. Crushes a nap. Hard. |
| 19:30 | : | Heads down to beach for dinner. Cute beach street with lots of lanterns. Such. Awful. Service. Especially for a fancy, ritzy, tourist town. |
| 21:45 | : | Late night shopping, falls in love with newly found Australian designer – Natasha Gan; good thing I have no room in my pack… |
| 22:30 | : | Stumbles past a bar with a dude singing Billie Jean, suckered into getting a drink because #datvoice. |
| 23:45 | : | How am I still standing? Need sleep stat. |
| Day Five | ||
| 09:30 | : | Heads out for breakfast, almost falls down a giant hole. |
| 11:00 | : | Roomie leaves for Gillis T. I attempt to repack my backpack to lose some kgs. |
| 11:45 | : | Could only bring myself to get ride of a padlock and my laptop case. Plus I left my windbreaker in Ubud and I lost my sweater; this kind of counts as purging right? |
| 12:30 | : | Buys short by justifying to myself that I have room since I lost sweater. Vendor tells me that depending on what country I’m from, he would give me a different price because of negotiating styles. I have a feeling that Canadians gets rippppped off. |
| 13:00 | : | Decides to get a shoulder, neck, and back massage because cheap. |
| 13:05 | : | Why do I have to take off my shorts for a back massage? |
| 13:15 | : | Should’ve just told them I want a shoulder massage. Work those knots woman! |
| 14:00 | : | Still knotty. |
| 15:00 | : | Ubers to airport. FIVE DOLLARS. Stupid airport transfer coming in to a town closer to the airport was ten dollars. |
Kuta + Ubud + Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia Summary: Sunrise volcano trek = highlight. Procuring more ‘squito bites = not highlight.
Duration: Dec 6 – 10
#findyourgreatness y’all!
occasional insomniac 
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