Lolol, from a draft I started in June: “Omfg, I AM actually just getting to my New Years post in June. I’m a goddamn psychic. Or, I just know my own procrastination too well.” It turns out, I don’t know my procrastination at all – it far exceeds that of my wildest imagination.

(Also FYI, during the writing of the above 2 sentences, I managed to spill my lunch all over my Surface Pro, its keyboard, my lap, the couch, and the floor. Classic Kelly moment. Why. Am. I. Like. This. 😭)

(Also FYI, during the writing of the above 3 sentences, a month had elapsed.)

Soooo….let me talk about events that happened 6 11 12 months ago, says the girl that can’t remember events that happened a day ago. #bestbloggerever

So T. came from yyc for a visit over Christmas. Well, technically, after Christmas. We wanted to do an east coast roadtrip and see Australia in all its natural glory, as opposed to just flying from big city to big city. But, we also didn’t want to do New Years in the middle of buttfuck no where, so we decided to stay near Melbs for the first week. This gave T. a chance to get over jetlag, allowed us to have a quickie with the GOR and Phillip Island, and put us back in Melbs for NYE. Also, saved us some $$$ as we didn’t need to pay for NYE accoms. Win-win-win-win.

The first couple of days, we just stayed in Melbs and caught up. Took T. for a hipster Melbourne brunch (as you do), had the typical beer along the Yarra, and bummed around the city.

It was also N.’s bday, so we went for fancy (translation: expensive) cocktails up at The Lui Bar and got a pretty sweet view of the city.

Fun fact: I once had a Tinder that insisted on taking me to The Lui Bar on our first date because “he lived right near there”, which, a) fancy place for a first date and b) most definitely trying to get laid 😒🙄.

On the 28th, we headed off to our mini roadtrip! Our plan was to drive the Great Ocean Road in 2 days, quickly crash back at home on night 2, continue on the other side to Phillip Island, and be back in Melbs in time for NYE fireworks. The 4 days mini-roadtrip was a good way for us (mainly T.) to get acquainted with driving on the other side of the road!

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We picked up our sweet (not really, but it did its job) jucy rental car and started to head towards Torquay. There were many accidental windshield wiper-ing when we were trying to signal, but we made it unscathed. Tried to go to the Anglesea Golf Course to see kangas, but by the time we got there they were closed (check trading hours kids). Mmm…made it to the Memorial Arch, Sheoak Waterfalls, did a brief walk near Kennett River trying to spot wild koalas, and just did your typical tourist-y lookouts along the way through Apollo Bay and Otway National Park.

We stayed at the Cape Otway Lightstation, and let me tell you, was that ever a hoot. A hoot, I say.*

I started writing out the whole story and even I was getting bored.

So executive summary:

9:00pm: We arrive at the lightstation (in the middle of no where with zero cell reception).
9:05pm: Struggling hard to get through the front gates.
9:10pm: Promptly side-tracked by a pretty sunset

9:30pm: Struggling to find our quarters.
9:45pm: Struggling to get into our room (re: bed) because of the lack of keys left out for us.
10:00pm: T. goes to sleep in the car
10:30pm: I break into the staff office and use a land-line to try to sort. shit. out.
11:30pm: Mystery of the missing keys: solved. Missing keys: groundskeepers forgot to leave them for us before driving off to attend to a family emergency at least an hour away.
12:00am: I sit waiting in the office reading my Wired magazine under a lonely flickering light bulb.
1:30am: Groundskeeper arrives, unlocks our room, lets in a shit load of bugs.
2:30am: Finally goes to sleep in a dingy ass room with no ventilation and the fear of being attacked by all the bugs.
7:00am: wakes the fuck up to gtfo.
7:05am: but first, take tourist-free touristy photos

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Thisss day was 12 Apostles day.

And because we were getting all the shitty-ness out of our trip nice and early, we were greeted with foggy, rainy weather.

Tho, still managed to descend all 86 of the Gibson Steps, checked out The Arch, The Grotto, and the Bay of Islands.

Boom. Touristing like a boss.

Drove to Mt. Sugarloaf cos read somewhere that the “views were worth it” – referring to a “short but steep walk”, both were somewhat false statements. The Canadians in us felt that the views, were in fact, not worth it (re: more grassland). And the walk was totally super easy. Sooo, it’s a wash?

Drove home to Melbs for a bug-free snooze.

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Left Melbs at 9am for a full day of Mornington Peninsula and Phillip Island. Nothing overly exciting to report. Ate some cheese, patted some goats, bought a shit load of cherries, sat in some hot water, drove to The Nobbies to suss out some penguins before our VIP seat viewings at the Penguin Parade!

We stayed at the most amazing Airbnb where the host actually worked at the parade and saved T. and I some front row spots on the beach for the parade!

There were a couple of the most gorgeous children I’ve ever seen sitting next to us. Like I thought the sister was wearing a full face of make up for like an hour before I realised that was just her face. Oh, the joy of youth. They were also the most well behaved children I’ve ever seen in public. They were like 10 or 12 and were just so polite and excited about the friggin’ penguins. Restored my faith that maybe not all children are assholes.

I told some Chinese tourists off because they a) kept trying to take photos of the penguins even though we’ve been told many many times that was explicitly not allowed, and b) they kept sitting on their feet and were blocking the angelic children’s views.

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Drove home to Melbs, JIT to celebrate NYE on our roof top for dem firework views 🎉 🥂.

Then promptly in bed moments after. Cos we old af.

Stay: Cape Otway Lightstation – do not recommend. This Airbnb – do recommend.

Great Ocean Road + Mornington Peninsula + Phillip Island Summary: Got used to driving on the wrong side of the road. To be continued.

Duration: Dec 28 – Dec 31

*dripping with sarcasm.