Day 1:
Read about my shitty first day herrrre. ← Click

Day 2:
British bloke from my dorm room started chatting with me in the am. Seemed nice enough so hung out with him as I had nothing else planned (re: point 6 from Day 1 post).

Walked around Patong. Ate lunch. Went to beach. Reflected fondly on how not crowded Sri Lankan beaches were in comparison. Then, reflected fondly on how much nicer Maldivian beaches were.

Brit told me about his encounter with the infamous Thai masseuse happy ending question. He denied his participation, to which, I am skeptical. I wonder how happy ending massages came to be. You think some creepy man one day was just like I wonder if this lady would jack me off if I gave her money? OR do you think some super entrepreneurial masseuse decided that she could probably charge twice as much if she threw in a little rub’n’tug? Wikipedia disappointingly does not have the answer. But apparently erotic massages are considered legal or broadly tolerated in Canada? #whatthewhat

Walked down Bangla Road.

Got harassed by lady boys to go to their cabaret shows and nightclubs. Got harassed by Thai men trying to sell tickets to ping pong shows (which, by the way, “funny” should not be a word to describe women shooting things out of their vajayjays). Ears got assaulted by awful live music that was in every bar. I feel like I could’ve sung at one of those bars. And I’m pretty sure positive I’m tone deaf.

Patong gets no points.

On men: apparently you can’t hang out with someone without them wanting to bone you. #shouldhaveknownbetter

Stay: Patong Studio Apartments – only $9 a night, can’t complain. But I did get my sandals stolen. And my bug bites increased threefold. So, I guess, can complain.

Day 3:
Moved to Karon Beach. Because I can’t take anymore of Patong.

Achievement unlocked! Riding on the back of a scooter for a solid 30 minutes with an 18kg backpack. Note: all my scooter achievements are, and will be, of me as a passenger. #scaredtodriveinasia

Hung out at beach. Crushed a mega nap while listening to Adele’s new album. Ate two pineapples (If I were a dude…[insert inaprops thought here]…). Went to a temple. Sorted out a scuba day trip.

All in all, a decently productive day. I am, of course, referring to the nap.

Day 4:
Woke up early for scuba. Failed at making my own instant coffee. Again. I always add too much instant coffee. And, apparently, is too dumb to learn from my mistakes.

Coffee, tanned, read on the boat ride out. The boat was 50% filled by a couple of Japanese dive shops. So I hung out with one of the groups on the deck and brushed up on my Japanese. I can now count to 10 again!

Dive 1 = Racha Yai Bay 1. Saw a ridic amount of eels. Also, saw the most giant colourful fish. It was like the size of my arm.

Lunched. Then coffee, tanned, read on boat ride to second dive site.

Dive 2 = Racha Yai Bay 2. Moar eels. Mask wouldn’t stop being foggy.

Tanned and read on boat ride back.

Almost got left behind by the hotel transfer vans. One of the dive instructors propositioned me to stay at his place. #inapprops

On thai massages: I haven’t stretched in like a month. My body does not bend that way.

I’m pretty sure the masseuse just rubbed Tiger Balm all over me. I ain’t even mad. Maybe mosquitos will leave me the fuck alone for a change.

Stay: Karon Living Room – realllllly cute little backpackers. A little pricey. But the dorms and bunk beds are pretty industrial. Me likey. Except that there was a giant ass spider on the wall one night. And I tried to kill it. But missed. And it scurried away. And I screamed bloody murder.

Day 5:

Got another massage. Hot damn those are amaze. Ate pineapple.

Chili salt ze so good. Transferred to another hostel that was closer to the airport for my early ass morning flight. You think I would’ve planned a little better so that I was home in HK for Christmas. But. NYOOPPPE. Christmas in Phuket it is. I tried to get the driver to take me directly to my hostel but failed miserably. #languageproblems

The hostel I had booked on the internerds was a complete bust. The “dorm” looked nothing like the pictures. And was giving off mad murdery vibes. The reception in itself was already like a 5 minute walk off the main road. Then the dorm was this little shack that was another 5 minute walk off the reception alley. And there were two middle-aged shirtless Thai (?) men sitting outside of it. Who, I’m sure, are not murdery rapists but I just didn’t feel safe. Like, if I were to get threatened with potential murdery rape, I’d have to run so far before I would encounter humans.

So, decided to walk 2km with my 2 backpacks (conservative estimate of total weight is probs 20kg) to the next nearest hostel. Never been so sweaty in my life. Soaked through my tee, #sweatlife for reals.

Had $2 roadside noodles for dinner.

And bought myself a taro popsicle for dessert. Because, sometimes you just gotta #treatyoself.

Oh, and I busted the screen on my iPhone.

So now I’m going to go watch a K-drama that I had apparently downloaded on my laptop.

Merry friggin’ Christmas!

Stay: Hubb Hostel Phuket Airport – Cute. New. AC. Not murdery. Is that too much to ask?

Patong + Karon, Phuket, Thailand Summary: Dislike.

Duration: Dec 21 – 26

2015.12.21 Sleep Log: I feel like I had a decent sleep? But I could be so delirious from the lack of sleep that I’m just making shit up now.
2015.12.22 Sleep Log: Not good. Stayed out much too late experiencing Bangla Road’s debauchery.
2015.12.23 Sleep Log: Some idiot girl turned the AC to 26 DEGREES. Dafaq. Who does that? Sleep = Not. Good. Also beach nap probs did not help the matter.
2015.12.24 Sleep Log: Maybe okay? I ono. Very groggy [+]